Today in the news about the earthquake, they were saying that only moneywise donations are required and they have an overwhelming amount of blankets and jackets and other stuff that they are not going to send all of them to Iran. They said they will keep some for the in need people in Toronto:)I think its wonderful..but this whole experience was really eye opening for me..I begin to know people a bit more..I don't want to judge people but its just an observation..when I was handing the flyers and asking people to contact red cross on the side walks, there were people who would want instantly to help cash wise without any questions asked, they were people who would read the flyer and would come back for more questions and there were people who didn't even wanted to get the flyer..The fact that some people didn't care why they are giving the mony without any questions asked really impressed me..to be hounest I have been really spectical of these kind of activities but now that the table has turned I am getting a good taste of fundraising and its importance..I will care from now on..and I will help even if at this point I am nearly broke..the fact that some people had a generous hand..no matter what really made me think twice..I think this experience however was really for a sad cuase but made me a better person and that's why I want to thank God for the nth time;)
----------
A bunch of my friends and I after the fundraising went to see the movie "house of sand and fog" it was nice and as usual I cried..Shohreh Aghdashloo was good but the guy who acted as a persian man,which in reality he is not, was incredible..he acted as if his parents and his whole family are persian!!!very sad theme though...I tried so hard not to cry but I couldn't help it...then we went again to Pickle barrier but this time I ordered chicken salad...and it was sooo bad that I couldn't finish!!!I think chicken salad is not for me..not ever!!anyways I am going for the first time to a ski trip with 4 of my friends..I hope I don't break anything;)pray for me...
--------
I know this post has become really big but one of my friends said that the reason why someone don't tell you something is may be because they don't want to hurt you..I don't know I'd rather get hurt but know it from some one who you call your friend than hear it from other people...don't you think?

An organization is set for all the Iranian organization here in Toronto to participate in helping with the earthquake fundraising..Red CROSS has collected $300000 till now that $89000 of that amount has been from Ontario...with that money a new urgent hospital..Shelter and so on will be made..I think if they want, they can make a hospital in 3 or 4 days with wood..That's how I heard they did it in another crisis..here in Canada its very normal to see a complete house one day!!!again because mostly it is out of wood or wood composites...
---
Another thing that makes me mad is the lack of organization in Iran! COME ON...all this money and help is coming to for the people of Iran and there is no organization not even the government can handle it...I have heart its a cias there...

To "Y" who wasn't man enough:
Hilary Duff
"You can change your life
(If you wanna)
You can change your clothes
(If you wanna)
If you change your mind
Well that's the way it goes

But I'm gonna keep your jeans
And your old black hat
('Cuz I wanna)
They look good on me
You're never gonna get them back
At least not today
Not today
Not today, 'cuz

If it's over let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
I'm just a bird
That's already flown away

Laugh it off
Let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay

You can say you're bored
(If you wanna)
You can act real tough
(If you wanna)
You could say you're torn
But I've heard enough

Thank you
You've made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
Do you see a single tear
It isn't gonna happen here
At least not today
Not today
Not today,

Laugh it off
Let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday
So yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay

If you're over me, I'm already over you
If it's all been done, What is left to do
How can you hang up,If the line is dead
If you walk out, I'm a step ahead
If you're movin' on, I'm already gone
If the light is off, Then it isn't on
At least not today
Not today
Not today, 'cuz"

Today I volunteered to raise Earthquake awareness here in Toronto:)and Although it was cold I enjoyed every bit of it...I didn't think I would be able to go to people in the middle of the street and talk to them and give them flyers for the RED CROSS..it was a great experience I am very happy to do it...oh by the way..CITY TV did an interview with one of us and actually they took my close up too;)if you see the 6:00 news I am there;)anyways..some people were very welcoming but you know who were the worst?with shame..Iranians...some of them gave me dirty looks..but not all of them..there were nice ones among them...anyhow I wish I could do more..there are going to be more helps from MOHANDES and other organizations in Toronto...I love this kinda of activities...I wish I end up with something like this:)

I thought you were honest...I thought I could trust you...I feel like an idiot....I hate you...no wait a minute..I don't hate you I just want to pray to God to help me...I am sure God knows better....when were you planning to tell me?my heart aches..but you know why?not because you chose someone else..but because you didn't tell me...I don't even know I have the right to know or not...I thought we were friends..now I know the meaning of your labmates looks...when I came to you lab...now I know why they were laughing at me behind my back.....now I know they knew that I am a joke to you...I wished you had a bit of respect to tell me yourself...but I don't know why you weren't man enough and why I have to hear this from others...THANK YOU GOD....YOU SHOWED ME HOW SOME ONE YOU TRUST COMPLETELY CAN DECEIVE YOU...
Thanks

Yesterday afternoon I heard the bad news..There has been an earthquake in Iran in Bam in Kerman and the death toll has been high:(I beilieve that everything in life has a trend...and if starts it will follow for sometime...like the bad news going around for the last week..I don't know what's going to be next!!!anyways..I was talking to my friends to go and see Arge Bam with next time I go to Iran!!!!!I guess that's done...I want to give my condolences to the families to the loss of their loved ones in this devastating incident..At first I thought I should go to Iran and help out in person but my parents told me that there are lots of people there that are helping and they probably just need a specialist..which I am not..but I could be the junior helper!!I don't know..I wanted to be the embassader of Canada to Iran for this incident (Engineers without boarder)...but I don't know who to call and where to start..may be this whole thing is just too idealistic..and never works...

BOXING DAY...
Although I really don't need anything except a nice suit for my interviews..and nice long boot and a baige hat...;)I don't need anything...thank you God for giving me all the stuff I have and I want to thank you prior to your generousity and for the stuff and opportunities that you will be giving me in the future...

MERRY CHRISTMASS:)
I hope Jesus Christ heal all the sick and in need people:)...last night I went out with one of my friends to a restuarant called Pickle Barrier or something like that;)it was really nice kinda like Mile Stones..but I liked it more..I will definately go back again for deasert this time!!!very nice looking cakes and ice creams...yummy...tody I want to ask Jesus one thing...I just want him to give me peace of mind:)I know its very general but if I want to list all the stuff I want, I have to go on and on;)please God open up the secrets that is beneth events that we don't see...please help me to rise from this confusion of mine about life...

To not think about that tragedy..I decided to go out with my friends yesterday..we wanted to go out doors ice skating but couldn't because of the rain:(so we went to see Last Samouri..it was a really emotional movie...and after we went to Marche...I like the atmosphere there..very relaxed but nice at the same time...I can't beilieve we spent 9 hours together with my friends and I felt as if it was only 4 hours!!!it was nice....today I am going to do last minute christmass shopping!!!I know..its late..but I was busy and shocked for the past 3 days....by the way there is going to be a memory talk for Shivan this weekend at U of T...which I will definately attend...

THIS IS A BLACK DAY FOR ME:(
I was just notified that one my classmates is no longer alive:(this has been a great shock to me..he was only 21 and one of the brightest in my class...he has been involved in an accident, the Tire of the car blew up and they lost the control of the car and went straight to another car..the driver was killed instantly and my classmate was bleeding very hard, although he was transferred to a hospital and underwent surgery but he could not make it.:( I can't stop thinking about him and crying..he was sitting next to me on our grad ball graduation table:( we all danced together...I got the chance to know him a bit more last year....May his soul rest in peace....Shivan I will remember you always...I hope that my best friend who is his girlfriend is dealing with this okay:(

Friday was our lab party and ISU's party...well the lab party was good..and a little game made it even more fun...in the evening..a bunch of my friend and I went to ISU's party and it was fun as always..dancing and loud music..Takin was the DJ and it was okay..alot of my friends were there and the people I didn't expect to see and also new people..funny thing was when we decided to leave, one my friends told me that one of the guys who I was dancing with was giving me hints!!!!can you imagine?I am so out of these stuff...she is good at these...anyways..I guess I blew that one up..even if it was a hint!!!!;)I don't get these hint bussiness...if anyone likes me should say it out;)anyways...and last night was MOHANDES party..and it was great as usual..I had danced so much for the past two days that I can't walk anymore..my family and I are going to one of our family friends gathering tonight and I think I will be just sitting all night;)and be a good girl.."khanoom"...but one thing really shocked me last night....that made me nearly cried..I heard something from someone about someone (y) who I thought was my friend and hounest..that really made me think twice about my life...I felt like an idiot:(I guess things happen for a reason in the world..I hope this friend of mine learn something...and I hope I learn my lesson too:(but its hard...why can't everything be rosy and nice in life...why do we need to be hurt?

YALDA PARTIES...:) going to be very exciting

Arman's concert was great:) Arman was the only person that played base violin (chello):)in all the band, the sound of his chelo was so apparant:)I was so excited to see him play:)it reminded me of myself..during my music classes in Iran..how we all were excited when we had concert for parents...how we worked so hard...I used to play fluet and xylophon and sometimes I was with drums:)...how I like to do that again...to be in a band I mean..not just to learn my notes but to see a group effort...the more I try to know my self..the more I think I am a social and team worker...Mr. Nazar was our music teacher...I remember how we admired him...he was so good in playing the fluet...he got the opportunity to go abroad to help an orchestera symphony...how proud we were....Arman..my dear brother..I can't wait to see you in Earl Haig's Orchestra Symphony...

Tonight is my brother's concert:) Arman is really excited..I will try to take lots of pictures of him....by the way he got accepted as part of their school symphony group:)I am so proud of him..I hope he continues...I always wanted to learn how to play harps..I hope some day I can start that..anyone knows where can I register for sword classes?:)

I probably will do something very stupid today:(I hope the out come doesn't confuse me even more:(pray that whatever the outcome is things are clearer for me.

SADDAM HOSSEIN is captured...the first thing that came into my mind was is it for real?I mean is he the real Saddam?or may be even this whole capture was done earlier and even may be facilitated by US anyways to reveal later in time...to increase the current US administration!!I can't beilieve my total distrust of the North American media and their corrupt politics...
anyways...yesterday was an interesting lecture at Agora..the idea of making an academic organization....to use Iranian great minds outside of Iran to upgrade and progress the technology in Iran...which sounded very interesting....After that I went out with my close classmates from U of T...to El Frano....and dance practice afterwards...it was great..except I got dizzy at the end of the night of all the spining:)...I some thing very funny happened...in Morange a part is very fast spining!!!I wasn't used to that...and when my dance partner tried that move...I just screamed!!!I was nearly falling down on the floor!!!!I have to practice that;)

It's getting serious...it's a story of a proposal...and the time that I have to think now...is he the one for me?its soo hard to think...is he my prince?I love his mom and dad and his sister...

PASSED MY G-TEST:) I am sooooooooooo happy...thank you God and all the people who prayed for me and all the angles who were tailing my car and giving the examiner assurance that I am good:)

It's nice when some one who you totally don't expect to listen to your chit chatting, suddenly the next time you see tells you about the stuff you said...It's hard to find someone who actually takes the time to listen to you and to your inner thoughts and dreams....it suprizes me more and more..how my views of things around me changes so fast...because I think now I am learning more about life...its my time to exel in the school of life..and learn the details of living a happy life...Thank you God..reaching this step seemed so far fetched...but its happening...the more I see people of all different walks of life..the more I have time to understand life better...the more I hear their stories..I understand that life is not just a straight line, that there are variation to it..it's one thing to think and learn things theoretically and its another when you have to do it practically...now that the theory is done I am begining to learn it practically and how amazing it is ...when you realize that how the percentage error is so high when you try to implement that theory....

Celine Dion:) I don't need to say anything more about her voice and music:)


"I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through, yeah
It's an uphill climb and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you, yeah
Don't surrender
'Cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me
For a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find the way, yeah
So don't surrender
'Cause you can win
In this thing called love

When life is empty
With no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all
All...

Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is"

The christmas party was good..lots of finger foods..and cheese:)other than that it was the MFC's ring ceremony!!I didn't know that they get rings as well..but anyways it wasn't anything special compared to our ceremony...but Iron ring ceremony is more like an oath...Like Dr.'s oath..That you would not design or sign contracts that are going to be socially or physically dangerous..but MFC rings were very nice..I think they were silver and they had a picture of leaf carved on it..
At the end of the ceremony, this professor from University of Tehran who is here on research leave saw me and we started talking..I said hi to him from far prior to that and do you know what he said when he saw me closer? he said:"oh I wasn't sure if it was you or not because the other day that I saw you, you were wearing different cloth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"seriously men from Iran are so funny...I used to think that I would marry someone who lived in Iran most of his life, but now I know that I don't want that because its soooo amazing how their mentality is different...anyone who has lived outside of Iran goes through different cultures and gets to understand world better..I think I am actually a better person because of my family's decision on immigration...I used to be unhappy that we came here but now I am going to thank my parents for being bold and giving me the chance of experiencing life in a different way than they did...
*************
It's amazing that engineers with rings think that some how they can relate to each other no matter what in a crowd!!!I saw this lady with an iron ring today in the subway and when I got a chance I talked to her and she was soooo nice and even though we were total strangers we could relate..its amazing how this works:)

one more time, another Iranian made us proud...Mrs. Ebadi Thank you:)

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III!!!;)
Mission half accomplished...last night I went to usual CVG gathering and it not only helped me in my research I am doing now but I got to know more people...I got lost several times before I find Agilent!!but finally did and I was still on time!;)I am so proud of myself:)anyways Steven who knew I was coming is such a nice guy..when I got in the building I didn't know where I was suppose to go and sign so I was just looking over some documents on the receptionist's desk!!and suddenly I heard a voice calling my name:)he is a wonderful person I hope some day I can do what he is doing for me now for some other young person who is new to this world:)...anyways this meeting was fun and I got a very cooooool pen...you should see it...anyways we have christmas party at our department tonight:)I hope its fun...

pray for me..tomorrow is can become one of the turning points in my life....

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This weekend was full of events as usual, which is great..no complaints about that:)...Saturday was my dad's company christmas party and it was great. They held a dance competition and ofcourse my parents would want me to be part of it:) so it was me and this other young girl..I saw her dancing styles and moves in the prevous musics. She dances wonderfully and specailly her arabic dance was great..the only problem with her moves were that they all had arabic origion..I mean even with a rap music!!but anyhow..I knew from the beginning of the competition that she would win since she was younger than me and in friendly competitions like this and in fun parties, enjoying is the main factor not real serious competition..but anyways I love challenging myself and specially dance..so we both danced to different musics that the DJ suprized us with..but unfortunately the DJ only set middle eastern theme only..I mean they 1 persian, 1 Inidian and 2 arabic.. the music world does not end with only those..there are tons of other beats and one!!!anyways..As I predicted although I had more moves and different styles she won which I must say I was really happy for her..she was really young, I think middle school and I really wanted her to win so she becomes more inspired and follow it...yesterday I got a chance to go to a church with one my mom's friend..it was great..I have been to church before since I took a course in History of religion back in high school here and we studied all 5 major religions in the world..the interesting thing was that at the dinner time, at my side was a guy who was an engineer as well!!!!!!!!he showed me his iron ring and we both smiled:)its great to see fellows in all different places..he was really nice guy and majored in civil engineering..but the funniest thing of all was my ignorance toward how big and international was the company he was working for!!!!and I didn't know that!!!

I just got the news!!!!!!!!!!Miss Canada..Nazanin Afshin Jam..became second in the MISS WORLD competitions:) thank you..we are very proud Nazanin jan:)

from http://www.missworld.org website

weekend to look forward to:)how nice...
*********************
To whom this may concern:
Thanks....for making my day.....for opening doors....

How do you want to be precieved in life?I mean what should be our image?some one smart?someone polictical..just pretty or handsome?hard worker?what kind of adjective do you want?The greatest compliment a guy has given me was an elec actually and said:you are a very smart girl:)sounds funny?I hate the cheezy compliments like..oh you have beautiful eyes!!!or pretty!!!COME ON!!!I want to be complimented on my personality not on my physic....I want to be complimented on my soul not body...my dad thinks that when a guy gives a girl a compliment on the girl's pesonality it means that she is not beautiful...but I beg to differ....not for me I mean atleast I don't care what other's think about me in physics department;)....I keep on thinking that when these features are gone...or if some how you lose the only thing you where proud of yourself what are you going to do?how is everyone going to percieve you? may be with something that lasts more....or do you even give a damn to what others think?

hope/2+hard work/2=sucess!!!!!!
logical conclusion:having hope and bilieving that things will be better, is half of the success ofcourse I can change the second part;)

The coming two weeks are going to be party all along:) from different groups..by the way does any one want to come to Mohandes party?please let me know if anyone wants to come..I have several tickets to sell:)its is always fun...I don't think ISU can hold a party this year with the late election and all...but if it would..it would be great....I just hope before the new year some of my this year's resolutions be done!!!I know..its late to talk about it till now;)but I have to get my G test..pleaseeeeeeee pray for me:)apparantly I will have to do it next week on friday....

Some times it so hard to know what people think:(...I am not like that...even if I don't want to reveal some emotions, my body language shows it!!!what do you think about the first impressions?how real are your impressions?or is it just an act?...have you ever noticed how people's faces changes after you got to know them? First when you see them its just their physic...the more you get to know them you see their soul....this is how I see my friends so it doesn't matter what they wear or how they look, beautiful or not, it doesn't matter...
*************************
Shania Twin:)

"Don't wantcha for the weekend - don't wantcha for a night
I'm only interested if I can have you for life - yeah
Uh, I know I sound serious - and baby I am
You're a fine piece of real estate, and I'm gonna get me some land

Oh, yeah
So, don't try to run - honey, love can be fun
There's no need to be alone - when you find that someone
I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight
I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night
You can betcha by the time I say "go," you'll never say "no"
I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact
I'm gonna getcha, don'tcha worry about that
You can bet your bottom dollar, in time you're gonna be mine
Just like I should - I'll getcha good
I've already planned it - here's how it's gonna be
I'm gonna love you and - you're gonna fall in love with me

Yeah, I'm gonna getcha baby - I'm gonna knock on wood
I'm gonna getcha somehow honey - yeah, I'm gonna make it good"
***************

-18C!!!!!Winter is here....NOOOOOOOOOO....but what can we do..we live in North pole!!!

Kelly clarkson, American Idol with very nice lyrics,


from her website:
http://www.kellyfanclub.net

I am getting better..Thanks for caring and praying for me:)my fever has reduced...But still have the sore throat...Hopefully by tomorrow I will be okay..My prof told me and the post doc I am working with that we have to publish two papers by the end of Dec.!!!!I am so scared..we are still experimenting..but the good thing came out of this discussion was the fact that he told the post doc fellow that I am suppose to be complementing his part:) since I think he thinks that we have to do everything together!!but anyhow..I hope everything goes okay..for the next two weeks...I finally got the interest relief documents..and hopefully for another 6 month I freeze the interests on my loans:)hopefully by then I either won a lottery or got a really good paid job!!!!last night my family was invited to one my dad's discussion groups for a Christmas party...I am usually were active in parties and talk to everyone and like to be included in discussions but last night..I was completely board:(..I didn't want to talk to anyone and I found a fire place that was great and sat near it most of the night..by the way I head the most fun talk with the mother of the host:)I don't know why I can connect and enjoy talks with much older people than people my age!!!!
This is for my dear Zoheir: I don't know if you are reading this post or not..but I hope you like my weblog..you are one my favorite cousins:)and if you think that sometimes I am behaving like your parents or teachers is just because I like you to excel...you are very smart and if you use your mind on a focoused goal even at your age you are going to be successful in whatever you want to be regardless of the environment you live in:)

last night, another groups of my friends gathered for an indian food:)the food was good..but now I have fever and very sick:(becuase of the cold weather and I didn't have warm cloth on:(pray for me so this be gone for good

Shakira...one of my favourit singers:) may be some day I become someone like her;)

My classmate: Prof told me to make my own company
Me: He told me the same!!
My classmate:he said we can use the lab!!
Me:oh that's great..do you want to do it together?
My classmate:yeah..I told so and so
Me:Great:)lets talk about it...its going to be wonderful

I have so many favourite singers and song writers that can't keep track of;) here is another my favourite singers, Kelly Clarkson, American Idol:

"Miss Independent"
Lyrics By Rhett Lawrence/Christina Aguilera/Kelly Clarkson
***********
Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love

What is this feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise...It's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true

Miss guarded heart
Miss play it smart
Miss if you want to use that line you better not start, no
But she miscalculated
She didn't want to end up jaded
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love
So, by changing her misconceptions
She went in a new direction
And found inside she felt a connection
She fell in love.

What is this feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door (open my door)
Surprise...It's time (yeah)
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye (goodbye), old you (oh you)
When love, when love is true

When Miss Independent walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought today
What happened to miss no longer afraid?
It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love could truly be
No more talk of why can't that be me
I'm so glad I finally see...

What is this feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise (surprise), it's time (yeah)
To feel (to feel) what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye (goodbye), old you
When love, when love is true...

Miss Independent
***********

pubilishing a paper......interpreting TOF-SIMS result:(I am totally confused..The problem is that the nature of my resins and fibers are so similar that when you look at the spectra's you nearly can't find a difference..:( but the prof who is helping me is so nice and trying to help me as much as possible..something that is very suprising;)!!I just hope I can finish up this project with complete satisfaction...The department that I am in, there are lots of retired profs that still come to school and they all are soooooooo nice and try to consult you..whenever they see me they all ask me so what are you doing?what are you plans?and so on..you kinda feel very special in this department because they all love you and want to see you happy and exel..:)

PARTYYYY....
we just had a party in our lab..my labmates kept bugging me and other persian people in the lab that bring out some stuff from Iran:)today we brought them some sweets...and they liked it:) one my friends actually made "shole zard"its a type of deseart...the climax of the feast was when my friend asked this persian prof that is here on research leave to join us!!he came and apparantly he is the head of forestry department in Tehran university!!he spoke English very well but at the end he wrote my name and my friends name on a piece of paper:(I don't know why he did that..I hope nothing bad comes out of it...Yesterday and today I have been soooo tired..I don't know why..but I feel that all my energy is sucked out of my body:(..some thing funny..my supervisor actually liked "Gaz":)of all the sweets...

this weekend was full of fun for me:)but I am soooooo tired now...but it worth it..one thing I want to accomplish in this life for myself is when I get 80 years old I look back and say that I enjoyed my life as well as other accomplishments...I learned in the 4 years of university at U of T, although I was involved in many events and groups but I can't say that I enjoyed my life in that 4 years..now thinking back I realized that life is a collection of that 4 years..and when I am dying I don't want look back at my life with disappointment. I met so many of my friends from Friday till today and I loved every bit of it regardless how schaduling to meet them is tiresome but I love to be with my friends of different types and ways of life..for example last night I went to see some people at saturday lectures and then to my classmates to have dinner then with my other girl friends uptown for tea and finally back to down town to practice dance:)and all of this happened from 4-10pm:)I think I learned the art of time management:) I want to challenge myself to new borders instead of steaking to my old ways..otherwise I won't evolve as a person...

very interesting day..but I have to go out again;)I'll tell you all about it when I get home:)

my teacher:you read weblogs?
junior_engineer: yeah..I actually have my own:)
my teacher:oh yeah what's its name?
junior_engineer:oh its private...
my teacher:oooooooh
isn't it lovely to make people keep guessing and put them on hesitations and doubts;)!!!!!

Is life a project?I think engineers have a special way of looking at life and work problems...I guess atleast for instant I look at situation and instantly I find the problem and try to think systematically how to solve it..or what are the resources..but it seems this works perfectly fine at work place..but not necessarilly in life...One prof told me once that there is a difference of way of thinking between an engineer and a scientist...but he didn't go on about it...what I think is that us engineers think of application of everything...instead of just having something discovered...we want to know what we can do with this now...I mean what's the point of for example studying if you can't apply it?but I guess scientists think differently..I guess they study just for the sake of acquiring knowledge...If any scientist readying this..you should tell me how you think?

The more I learn about life...and the power of money..the more I get disappointed in my beliefs...once upon a time I used to think that money will not solve every problem...but now unfotunately I see this is not completely true..if you lose your job...what would you do?if you don't have a family to support you...how would you survive?how would you follow your dreams?..its sooooo hard....I hope all my friends who are looking for jobs..they find one....I try to keep GOD out of this...miracles do happen sometimes...but I haven't seen any recently....so this is to GOD...if you are out there..which I beilieve you are out there...and if you say you have the power to change everything in an instant...and if you are the nicest visions we know...show us something...that we know you are out there...I know you are trying to examine me or us..and with do respect...I want to pass your exam...but please show me something that I know are out there...

to love or not to love..that is the question..to be willing to open your heart to something new..something familiar..I keep on hearing this sentence over and over..."life is too short...shouldn't waste it by being unhappy"..my high school slogan was CARPE DIEM...and I am going to seize the day today:)don' t you think you should do too?

Ceilin Dion, is my other favourite singers:)

"I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through, yeah
It's an uphill climb and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you, yeah
Don't surrender
'Cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me
For a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find the way, yeah
So don't surrender
'Cause you can win
In this thing called love

That's the way it is

When life is empty
With no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all
All...


Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

I just got back from a wonderful meeting:)I have never met some one that is sooo much on the same wave length as me:)I am so excited...the first guy who I could talk to for 5 hours!!!!!!!I can't beilieve that...I could be off the market soon;)so to all the guys who are still looking and trying to make their minds about telling me how they feel;)they should let me know soon otherwise;)

yesterday went smoothly:)but today according to of the profs who is helping me analyze some data told me it probably will take some time:(the timing is not as important to me than the fact that I don't know a single word he talks about:(!!!!!I have never worked with TOF-SIMS before and I know how it works but I don't know how to interpret well and analyze an image:(its a nightmare like AFM....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

it is all rush today:(first at 9:00 this morning I realized I had an experiment appointment with another lab!!!I completey forgot about it..I don't know what's wrong with me I am losing my memory;)anyways I got there exactly an hour late!!!but thank god because they didn't specify the time..they didn't anything to me:)but I had to run to my lab get the samples and go to another lab in another building but I forgot one of the samples so I had to go to my lab agian!:(I think I have lost some pounds today!!and I have to make sure that I am done by 5:30 today so I can run uptown for another appointment..I hope everything goes smoothly by 6:30 tonight!!

I forgot to say..the theme song of the movie was Only Time by Enya:)I am sure everyone has heard it..but if not you should..its wonderfull..and I guess as everyone keep telling me...only time will reveals the motives..

"Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...

And who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...

Who can say why your heart sighs,
As your love flies?
Only time...

And who can say why your heart cries,
When your love dies?
Only time...

Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be,
In your heart.

And who can say when the day sleeps,
If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart...

Who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...

And who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...

Who knows?
Only time...

Keanu Reeves rocks..I love him..last night I saw his "sweet november" movie and it was my first time seeing him other than in Matrix..and in a more emotional and romantic situation...he is soo sweet;)anyways I guess Keanu acts mostly in philosophical movies..this film was about life as well..and it was very very interesting...gives you a whole new look on life. anyways I heard so many good stuff about him..like he shared his salary with the rest of the cast of Matrix and so on..I wish I could see him in person..By the way I didn't know he is a canadian;)and used to live in Toronto!!!!!where was I when he was here???;)

I don't know what he thinks...I can't read his mind...he doesn't say anything...I don't know how to interpret it...they teach us to be clear and I learned...but I don't know now how to deal with the people who are not...they didn't teach us to read in between the lines...or the indirect meaning behind the words and gazes and smiles...I am confused...does anyone know how to deal with these people?

last night I just got the highest amount of info and dirt;)on my classmates...unbeilivable stories!!!all thanks to Muna's data base;)Italian restuarant was fun...interesting enough was the guys on the table infront of us..I realized in 2 second that atleast 1 guy on that table is an engineer;)you ask how...while he was drinking his water;) I just wished we had gone and introduced ourselves to them as fellow engineers;)....yeah right...

How wonderful life is...

I am going to a eftari party today:)and its going to be an allnighter for me:)wish me luck..

The meeting with this guy was great...he is such a nice person and I think its may be because he is Arminian...he is going to help me find some contact. He told me that his grandparents were the orphans of the Armina and Turkey war:(and that most of Arminian people are scattered around the world. But he was soooooooo nice...What I realized more was that he kinda was saying the same stuff that my parents keep telling me...you know how sometimes you don't want to listen to your parents because you think that they are not in your situation so what the are saying might not be applicable to you..but from the third party point of view I got very good advices..I think the first thing he recognized about me was that I really shy..when it comes to strangers...I am completely shy...when I get to know people I would be very comfotable and as here calls it will come out of my shell;)I hope its going to end up well.

just pray for me, okay? I am going to meet this guy who may find me a job...I hope the meeting goes well..although its soooooo far from where I live..

WEDDINGS:)
The daughter of my dad's aunt, Neda, is going to get married at the beginning of December:)!!!!!!!Neda joon lots of congrats..Also the son of my dad's Uncle, Mehdi, is getting married as well..but I don't know when..I got the news from my aunt this morning:) Neda and Mehdi are both of my childhood friends:)I used to play with Mehdi whenever they would come to Tehran...once he gave me a bracelette:)I don't know if he remembers...the next time he saw me he gave me a Robot pencil case...I used to play with him and his brother Rasoul...Although rasoul was older than us.. Mehdi and Neda are both 1 year older than me...and we always had such a great time..the last time I saw both neda and Mehdi when my grandfather was with us, we went to my grandfather's gardens out of the city...it was soooooooo beautiful and fun..I think I was 14-15 years old..and started this game that ended up running after each other..and Mehdi was after me and when running I ran directly to the branches of a tree!!!while looking back at him;)I got lucky not to fall in the pool that was next to it..The memories of those times...I cherish for life...The last time I went to Iran was to see my grandfather...and I saw Neda and Mehdi...they were a bit changed...but the history and flames are always there...:)I am very happy for them both..I wish I could go to their weddings...I love you guys wherever you are and wish you the greatest in life.

sooooooo what' new?

well I discovered that unfortunately the girl Arun likes said that she is not into him:(I mean I am sad for Arun..but I heard he said that he is going to forget about her..but I really don't know..if a guy once loved a girl would ever forget about her?I mean even after he got involved with another person?anyways I don't know if there is any guy reading this should tell me;)but in general I think the girl did the right thing to let him know..I mean I think both parties should be clear..I hate it when you don't know where you stand..it makes me feel...either the guy is clueless or is player...anyhow..I am trying to figure out which night is "the night of ghadr"...there is a saying that at this night the doors of heavon is open and you can wish anything from god..this night for me is a refection time..this year I want to focous on it more since before I always have been busy with school load..now I can reflect back on my years and think ahead and hope and pray to God that he shows me the write path for me...

I think the last two posts are too emotional!!I am not usually that lovy duffy!!anyways today is going to be the best day since the last 2 month. you ask why?well finally I got all the confirmation that a specific GC column is good for my sample:)hoooooooraaaaaaaaaa...and I am going to order today..I think this is the most expensive thing I have order in my life right now;)$1013:)...and finally the first training of GC/FID will begin...and Arun is responsible for that...Arun is a very nice guy..but the best thing I like about him is the fact that he can make people do what he wants to be done in a very nice way....its funny whoever is working for him..says to me..he is in a ruch all the time;)anyways I think these days he is not feeling okay..I hope whatever it is that bothering him resolves fast..to tell yo the trueth..I think he is in love..for me it's wiered I have never seen a guy in love before and he is soooooo out of it...I feel kinda bad for him..and wish the girl he loves to tell him that she loves him as well:)..anyways with this situation we have to finish the report as well;)

"White Flag"
DIDO is my other favorite singers, White flag is the way I exactly feel:

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

last night I had a great dream. I met my highshool classmates back in Iran. Upon seeing them I felt bursting in tears but no trears came out!but I was overjoyed that I saw them..even if it means in my dreams..I talked to them and watched them eat and speak...it seemed I have seen them thousand years ago...I miss my highschool classmates sooo bad...I wish I can go to Iran and see them. they all gather every year at a specific restuarant at a specific day close to new year. I pray to God that I can go and I can actually meet with them....I know I will cry....even now that I am writing this it makes me feel crying....

This story was sent to me from one of my dear friends which I would like to share it with all my close friends and friends to be:)

"Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood
or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood."

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how
you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what Michael said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead!"

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we
have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."

Another great poem from Christina Aguillera
I can't believe how some of the peoms she writes is description of some many people's life:)
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
& Nobody's gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothings been going my way lately
So I decided right here and now that my outlooks gotta change

That's why I'm gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I've cried
For everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feeling like they won't let me live life
& Take the time to look at what is mine

I see every lesson completely
I thank God for what I got from above
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace
They can say all they wanna say about me

But I'm gonna carry on
Keep on singing my song

I never wanna dwell on my pain again
There's no use in reliving how I hurt back then
Remembering all of the hell I felt when I was running out of faith
Every step I vowed to take was towards a better day

Cos I'm about to
Say goodbye to every single lie
& All the fears I've held too long inside
Everytime I felt I could try
All the negativity I had inside

For too long I've been struggling. I couldn't go on
But now I've found I'm feeling strong and moving on
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace
They can say all they wanna say about me

But I'm gonna carry on
I'm gonna keep on singing my song

Whoa, & everytime I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally
So I ended up in misery, wasn't able to see
All the good around me
They wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Simply just remembering to breathe

I'm human, I ain't able to please
Everyone at the same time, so now I find
My peace of mind living one day at a time

I'm human and I answer to one god
It comes down to one love
Until I get to heave above

I've made the decision
Never to give up
Til the I day I die no matter what

I'm gonna carry on & keep on singing my song.....

(They can't take anything from me)

I believe that they can do what they wanna.
Say what they wanna say

(They can say what they wanna)

But I'm gonna keep on
(Keep on )
I believe it
That they can take from me
But they can't take my inner peace

so last night was great...well yesterday I was at U of T all day there was this work shop that Mohandes was sponsering and I had to be there but I wanted as well to be there..it was really interesting..it was the 4th Annual Human Factors Engineering Inter-University Workshop. Although these presentations were not in my field and mostly in industerial engineering field..I enjoyed it..to tell you the trueth I get board very easly after the first 15 min and completely distracted;)
but like all industerial engineers, they programmed the work shop in such a way interms of timing and breaks that I stayed for the whole day from 11-5:)..and at night I went to meet my friends at Marche:)it was really great..not only marche has a nice environment they put on really nice music:)I would love to do some salsa if I had a partner;)but girls night out was a blast and I really enjoyed it..it was 5 of us and all different back grounds and we talked about everything you can imagine;)it was fun..we stayed there till 10:30:)I didn't realize the time passed by so quickly...I use to have that tendency when my company is someone really interesting and we all click...I foget where we are or what time it is...I just want it to continue forever:)by the way..among us I met this new girl, who is obssessed about the same fragrance I have now as well:) really nice:)but again..I am not telling you because you have to smell it for yourself to beilive it...I actually heard last night and it has to do with the molecular structure of the perfume:)CHEMISTRY RULES;)

this weblog is going to look nicer;)in a few day...I know...it only takes some hours...and I already bugged one of my friends for it:)thank you vahid ...anyways its interesting how every week my prof asks me..."sooooo what's your future?" well this time I answered"do you have a plan in mind for me;)"any ways he said if I publish 1-2 paper I can start my Phd.!!!!!what dreams;)anyways I guess I will end up there..as much as this is not my ideal way of life..but..what can you do?I am going out with some of my friends tonight:) to Marche..its a very nice place...I will let you guys know how it went:)although its always fun...it reminds me of the last times I have been there..there were always for an occation..."before the start of plant design"..."after the end of plant design"...haha..it seems my calender and life start up is different:)"

I go to UofT.

Today is the day that I am suppose to meet the vice chair of CVG:)I am very excited and scared:(pray for me...yesterday was Mohandes gathering as usual and Dr. Armin had a speech..it was extremely interesting..he is such a nice person as well:)By the way I saw "P" as well...and we ended up coming home together...he actually gave me a lift to my house...such a nice person:)he is one of those persian guys who has been here for a long time and I think I can talk to him very easilly because we have undergraduate studies in common and when he talks to a girl, he is talking to the person not that he is talking to a GIRL...unfortunately I don't see that with the guys who come from Iran..and I am not comfortable with them at all..but hi is very easy to talk to:)he is added to the long list of my friends:)I hope he reaches all his hopes and dreams:)

The most bizare thing just happend yesterday and today. I had to find the price of a certain GC columns and I ended up talking to this guy who asked me about myself and ended up giving me some information on a certain contact person in pharmaceutical industry... I couldn't stop smiling!!!!and today I am so proud of myself..I called up that person and also a driving instructor:)soooooooooo today was a great day interms of effectivity level;)I feel myself again...I feel I am walking forward not just standing some where and afriad of going forward:)thank you God...I think now you are showing me...or is this the test!!!??

Blow is sent to my from one of my favorite friends:

The most destructive habit.........................Worry

The greatest Joy...........................................Giving

The greatest loss.........................Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work.............Helping others

The ugliest personality trait......................Selfishness

The most endangered species........Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource......................Our youth

The greatest "shot in the arm"....Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome.....................Fear

The most effective sleeping pill........Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease........Excuses

The most powerful force in life.......................Love

The most dangerous pariah....................A gossiper

The world's most incredible computer.....The brain

The worst thing to be without...................... Hope

The deadliest weapon..........................The tongue

The two most power-filled words.............."I Can"

The greatest asset...................................Faith

The most worthless emotion.....................Self-pity

The most beautiful attire............................SMILE!

The most prized possession....................Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication.............Prayer

The most contagious spirit...................Enthusiasm

The most important thing in life.......................GOD

Fighter (Christina Aguillera)
I love this Girl...her songs are wonderful..and I give this to you with respect and love:
When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

ooooooooh...I tried to wash my lab coat but my beloved partner, while injecting the resin solution spread most of it my and himself:(and since its not a water soluable compound it is not going to be cleaned:(and I think my lab coat is compeletely ruined...can't finish this book I have started...I have to focous..I promise to finish it by the end of this week..and ofcouse the course Mr. M is teaching me...I am forever greatfull for this..aaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddd as usual I am just praying to God that he shows me the right way for me...pleaseeeeeeee...I am losing faith in you...

And Halloweeeeeeeeen.....it was fun...but not as much fun as I expect...only 4 people out of 15 poeple dressed up!!!and ofcourse I was one of them:)My phylosophy is that..there is one day in the year that you can be crazy and be whatever you want so why not enjoy it...I was a native indian;)and it was fun...but I guess I used too much glitter on my face...but I realized one thing in that party..that I am not an observent person at all....:(I mean when one of my friends described some one's behaviour at the party for me after the fact...I realized how I l remember about it..but never read too much into it..or may be I didn't care...its wiered...I mean at the moment I realized what happened but I didn't think about it much...that is why it is alway important to have some stranger to come to your life and be with you for a while and tells you what he/she thinks...and now I begin to see the point of a third party...on a matter...you can be so caught up in the moment or used to something that you may not see the trueth in what you think or do...

last night my 5 best friends and previous classmates went to Greek town...I think by now I have established the fact I love greek food..music...dance...well I don't know about their men;) anyhow it was interesting in the begining we all had one story which was the same for all of since our lives was only studying and now everyone have their own story to tell...I just hope that the next time I see them..my story is different than the story I told them last night....and as always although I am learning the art of living!!but I will smile..if destiny take away everything I have and value...it can't take away my smile...so now I said it...so if I don't find my favourite job...or my better half (as Joelle puts it;)) I am not going to be depressed...I am going to smile..

Holloweennnnnnnn

what a girl wants (Christina..) soooooooo true:)
What a girl wants, what a girl needs

I wanna thank you
For giving me, time to breathe
Like a rock you waited so patiently
While I got it together, oh
While I figured it out
I only looked but I never touched
'Cause in my heart was a picture of us
Holding hands, making plans
And it's lucky for me you understand

What a girl wants, what a girl needs
Whatever makes me happy sets you free
And I'm thanking you for knowing exactly
What a girl wants, what a girl needs
Whatever keeps me in your arms
And I'm thanking you for giving it to me

What I want, is what you got
And what you got, is what I want

There was a time I was blind, I was so confused
I'd run away just to hide it all from you
But baby you knew me better, oh
Than I knew myself
They say if you love something let it go
And if it comes back it's yours
And that's how you know
It's for keeps, yeah, it's for sure
And you're ready and willing to give me more than

What a girl wants, what a girl needs
Somebody sensitive, crazy sexy cool like you
What a girl wants, what a girl needs
Somebody who can come and blow her mind like you do
What a girl wants (you're so right), what a girl needs (you're so good)
You let a girl know how much you
Care about her, I swear
You're the one who always knew...


Always what I need, always what I want
What I need, what I want, and you've got, yeah yeah
Oh baby, I thank you, cause you know...
Oh baby, oh darling, thank you
Thank you for giving me what I want,
I turn around there, whenever you're not there

yesterday I went to a Honda Tour:)but we didn't get any Honda's as souvenir ;)kidding...I have seen several plants before but this was my first time seeing a mechanical engineering plant...I always thought these plants are highly automized..but only some parts were automized...in general it was a nice plant..very clean and during the tour they gave us headsets because there were so much noise and the tourguid was speaking to us through a microphone!!anyways it the whole experience was great..I got a statue of a cat;)form one of Mohandes exec. its sooooooo cute...there was also a blushing momonet;)naturally I ask everyone where are they working or which company do they work for...and there was this guy who I asked this question...and he kinda laughed and said oh I have my own company!!!!!

what would you do if you realize that what you thought was the trueth and fact is just an illusion and fiction?I sooooo confused....right not to me everything is doubt full....how I miss the times that I was in the realm that I thought everything is trustworthy and everyone is truethful...

You're My Heart, You're My Soul (Modern Talking)

Deep in my heart - there's a fire - a burning heart
Deep in my heart - there's desire - for a start
I'm dying in emotion
It's my world in fantasy
I'm living in my, living in my dreams

You're my heart, you're my soul
I'll keep it shining everywhere I go
You're my heart, you're my soul
I'll be holding you forever
Stay with you together

Your my heart, you're my soul
Yeah, I'm feeling that our love will grow
You're my heart, you're my soul
That's the only thing I really know

Let's close the door and believe my burning heart
Feeling alright come on open up your heart
Keep the candles burning
Let your body melt in mine
I'm living in my, living in my dreams


Your my heart, you're my soul
Yeah, I'm feeling that our love will grow
You're my heart, you're my soul
That's the only thing I really know

its getting closer and closer to Halloweeeeeeeeen:)and I am getting more excited than ever...I can wait to wear a costume...I hope there is a draculla in the party;)but I guess I have to wait and see until friday..Saturday was Azar Nafisi's lecture at U of T...and it was wonderull..its these lectures that makes me miss Iran more and want to have gone to university there...tomorrow is going to be exciting as well..because I am going to a tour of Honda!!!yahooo...it should be interesting...may be can find my knite in there the same was that Joelle found hers at Tembec...its nearly their anniversary..I can't beilive it ....1 year has passed...good for them....I am hoping they get married..and I get to go to a wedding;)....since it seems..I will never have a relationship with guys let alone getting married...so I am candidating all my friends to all the guys out there...and I garantee that they are wonderfull;)

last year this day...I was in Vancouver attedning a conference:) it was one of the best memories I have from U of T...I kept on thinking how my life would be in the year after?I now..I know..I guess its an improvement..but different things to worry about...any ways about the conference..it was really great..specially there were prof from U of T that chaired some sessions...this year my supervisor is actually chairing the composite group:)I didn't go to the conference this year which is being hold in Hamilton...but probably next year:)last year..it was 10 of us..girls and boys to go..we got one of the best hotels..sheriton and our rooms were perfect....and the funny thing was our room..the girls room was next to boys room..and there two doors in between that could be locked by either party:)it was funny...the first night..the guys got drunk..and the morning after when we went to their room to wake them up, instead of 2 bed..there were 4 mattresses on the floor!!!!apparantly the guys didn't like the idea of sharing beds;)which was no problem with girls...anyways that was really funny...it was great...specailly the party that UBC students through and U of C students asked us all of us to out to lunch with them:)all was wonderfull...I will never forget that time in mylife...

Objection (Tango)
Words and Music by: Shakira


It's not her fault that she's so irresistible
But all the damage she's caused isn't fixable
Every twenty seconds you repeat her name
But when it comes to me you don't care
If I'm alive or dead

So objection I don't wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free and I'm not your mother
But you don't even bother

Objection I'm tired of this triangle
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way I've got to get away

Next to her cheap silicon I look minimal
That's why in front of your eyes I'm invisible
But you gotta know small things also count
You better put your feet on the ground
And see what it's about

Objection I don't wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free and I'm not your mother
But you don't even bother

Objection I'm tired of this triangle
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way I've got to get away

I wish there was a chance for you and me
I wish you couldn't find a place to be
Away from here

This is pathetic and sardonic
It's sadistic and psychotic
Tango is not for three
Was never meant to be

But you can try it
Rehearse it
Or train like a horse
But don't you count on me
Don't you count on me boy

Objection I don't wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free and I'm not your mother
And you don't even bother

Objection I'm tired of this triangle
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way I've got to get away

yesterday one of the lab members brought some Indian food to the lab..it was great and according to Dr. Roy its Indian french fries:)I asked the guy who brought it to give the recipe, and he started telling me the main ingredient but the it got to the spices..and since I have no clue about the spices in English I didn't know what he was talking about!!Then Dr. Roy said there is only one solution for this...you should date an indian guy!!!its funny...people in my lab are great..they are so concern about my future...my supervisor asks me what am I going to do...I mean about jobs and stuff..and Dr. Roy is my social guide;)I think they want me to date our post Dr.:)actually he is a very nice guy but Dr. Roy thinks he doesn't know how to treat a lady!!anyways he is not a complicated person at all..and thats why I like him as a person..and weired enough he is so easy to talk to about everything...ofcourse its because I keep on teasing him;)...but you never know....some my persian girl friends are dating Italian guys and the persian guys are dating chinese girls!!!so I guess we are going international!!!

Christine is back:)!!!Muna and Jeolle and I with Christine went to a the same Greek Restuarant when she left..I think its kinda becoming the hangout for us:)I think the waiter knows us now;)Christine had 16 rolls of films!!!!form Italy...and she liked it alot..Although she is an Italian but she went there with a tour....I like to go to Iran and everywhere with to a tour as well but I don't know how realistic it is...anyways...Maria is going to Sarnia as well...its a great news...I hope she loves SNC...I might get an interview with Pepsi!!I am not sure..but I hope someting comes up...one of my friends got interviews for her cousin!!can you beileve it?I wished I had someone like her...it seems I am stuck in the resume part...she got the interview from my dream companies:(I am sure when they see me in the interview they would like me..I finally bought the glitter stuff I wanted for Halloween;)Kathy here I come with a native Indian look;)

Today was a great day I saw the people I wanted to talk to...its great when you want to see some one and you actually see them without any planning;)but aside from that I had a tour of china town as well!!My post Dr. partner and I went to find a cylindrical container which would have a constant diameter through!!and we couldn't find it but I found out a great machine shop in the basement of the physics department..the people working there were soooooooo nice..specially there was this old guy who worked on our mold and he was soooooo cute;)today was great and really effective....I always feel great when I see the application of the concepts we learn at school...and today was one of them;) imagine you are told that the density of a material is less than 1 and then when you put it water it sinks!!!!so what is wrong with it???think about it...........okay I will tell you...the material's density truely is less than 1 but because it is porous it sinks;)it may not sound that exciting to you but to me it was fun to truely experimentally prove that..this is the case:)

last night women television net work showed "NOT WITHOUT MY DAOUGHTER"..this was my second time watching the movie..The first time I watched it I was in high school and I actually did a presentation on how media can manipulate society's mind for the political and economical gain through cultural differences...I remember It was a very emotional presentation for me becuase it was the first time I was talking about Iran in my canadian class and second my teacher was a jewish girl..the fact that she was jewish at first made me uncomfortable since I thought she will give me a low mark because I would say non desirable stuff from Isreal and Us..but to my astonishment she was very open minded about it and we actually started a conversation while doing the presentation!!!!She showed me not to be biast and I am forever greatfull to her...this time that I watched it after 5 years..it actually shaked me...being in Canada for sometime....my perspective and my way of thinking has changed and with this new outlook it really bothered me...this film hits strong with non Iranian since they don't have any cultural background about Iran..but the fact that I know the culture this time it wasn't the anger I felt after and during watching it but it was devistation and realty check...the stuff screened are very exaggrated but still some trueth in it...and that trueth part really bothered me...this time I began thinking that if I really was Betty with American mentality what would I think?and I felt horrible...

has this ever happen to you?where you see someone and think he or she is gorgous but can't talk to him or her?its wiered..but I this is my next challenge in life..I am going to talk to whoever I want to talk regardless how strange the situation and even if he or she is a stranger...I personally don't have problem with girls since I am one;)and can talk to any girl even if she is a stranger..but with guys its another story...and the problem is after I get to know them I will be really comfortable and can be myself..but when its the first time I completely blew it by not talking!!!!I always used to get angry at guys who won't talk...but now I can see why....its a treaky business!!!

Scientific society..here I come:) with peace of course;) with my new publishing paper.....yesterday my prof saw me in the lab and asked me to have a meeting for next week..I am kinda nervouse because he wants to gather all the data and start writing the paper...but the problem is the damn GC Column...I am still waiting for PERKIN-ELMER response...I hope they have what I need....polyphenol column!!huh??anyone??anyways I am very happy that I am going to learn the process of writing a scientific paper and publishing something I can call my own...this will be one of my great accomplishments when it happens:)and the next step Nober Prize;)

I just bought the best fragrance in the world!!!!!I smelt it yesterday and since then I was obsessed over it...so I bought it today...its weired nothing has ever caught my attention that I wanted to buy it so bad in less than 24 hours!!!!!in case you wanted to check it out, you should see me to smell it;)!!!!

today is one of those days that I just wanted to scream....My dad and I are very close to each other and nearly talk about everything and anything that there would be out there for discussion....but we don't agree on some things and one of them is me finding an industerial job...although all my childhood dream have come true such as now working at university but I know if I want to excel more in my field I need to go out there...but when there is no opportunity and there are walls that won't let you in such as companies high archy..it irritates me alot and my dad although he knows how the economical situation is but keep on saying that I am not doing my best to find something for me...I am just so sick and tired of thinking of my self in other people's shoes...my dreams have come true but now I have to come up with new dreams for the next 10 years of my life but it nearly took me 9 years since 14 to get here..and now for sure it will take same amount of time...but I am very impatient and I feel lilke a spoiled 4 year old that want something right now right here...and ofcourse that won't happen...and that is exactly why I am so upset with myself....I am grown person but sometimes become so restless...I know what I am saying now meight seem strange and so out of order...but I am exteremly upset right now....

From Lady of Midnight weblog:

"To realize The value of ten years:
Ask a newly Divorced couple.

To realiza The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize The value of one year:
Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.

To realize The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize The value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize The value of one-second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident


To realize The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

when love comes in....(from Balmaskeh weblog)
When love comes knocking
Do I open the door
Do I let you in
or hide in the shadows
like I did before

What do I do
when you come around
Pretend I'm not home
and not make a sound

I opened the door
to love long ago
But, it wasn't right
it hurt me so

Here you are now
waiting for me
You knocked on my heart
You do have the key

I built that wall
around my heart
Put a chain and locked it tight
But, when I look at you
everything seems, so right

You just melt
the wall and chain away
I look into your eyes
They tell me,
"Everything's going to be, Okay"

But never did you just
assume....
that you could use that key
You so carefully
considered my feelings
You asked me

Yes, when you come knocking
I will let you in
Don't you know
You had my heart
a long time ago

yesterday was one of the best days in the Iran history. Ms. Shirin Ebadi won the Nobel Peace Prize..if I could see her in person I would shake her hand and look at her straight in to her eyes and would say: thank you from the bottom of my heart...and congradulation...another thing was the one of th second biggest jackpot in Canadiant history was announced..it is 30 million dollars!!!anyways three people got it:)good for them and I wish I was one of them:(and finally the ministry of innovation and development came to our lab and they looked at our facility...it was funny, as soon as my supervisor came into the lab he looked at everyone and then he looked at me and said let start from you!!!and he said explain what you are doing...before I can answer he started explaining!!!!!which I am actually great full..I didn't want to present to them;)I hope we get the funding and then we can become the "center for biocomposite and nanotechnology"...like the one I just to work before..it was the "center for molecular imagning":)

Getting this project to go and new ones will arrive:) I love it..but believe things in life happen for a reason and I am sure no matter what happens in my future this period will help me and guide me and mature me toward it...but sometimes I get restless and very unpatient...did I ever say that I was born one and half month earlier than my moms due date??;)I guess I am born with it;)even then I wanted everything to go fast....my mom thinks everything to me is like a project..finding a job..getting married...etc...may be she is right...but when you work so hard for 4 years and want to see the fruit of your attemp and when it doesn't get through then you just wonder what was the point of it??stressing out all the time...and being tensed...and for nothing...The only good thing out of it is some good friends...and realizing that life is not as it seems to be...this sentence keeps ringing in my ears " In life its who you know not what you know" and I am begining to realize that....anyways if now I write that essay about which is better "knowledge or wealth"I would definately say wealth because I see people who kick their asses and still in the same spot..you can change lots of things in life with wealth if you are a desiplined person but with knowledge only you may be just change little things in life...

I voted yesterday;)Horaaaaaaaaa....this was my first time I was eligable in Canada to vote:) it was provential election and I voted for liberal MP in my area and he won;)Liberals seem to be the best of all and I am so happy that Torries didn't win...they are compeletly shut out of Toronto now...I hope liberals can do something about Toronto's economy and make more jobs for us..

I voted yesterday;)Horaaaaaaaaa....this was my first time I was eligable in Canada to vote:) it was provential election and I voted for liberal MP in my area and he won;)Liberals seem to be the best of all and I am so happy that Torries didn't win...they are compeletly shut out of Toronto now...I hope liberals can do something about Toronto's economy and make more jobs for us..

today was one of the strangest days in my life..its true that in a split second your life can change...today the whole lab were celeberating Ian's wife coming from India and happy and in the afternoon we realized that our supervisor's wife has failed her Master's thesis..and the thesis committie did not accept her defence:( I felt so bad and sorry for her..she has 2 kids and she was working so hard for 2 years...and her thesis report was being corrected 7 times...I don't understand why would her supervisor actually sign that she is ready for defence and after the defence they feel that her contribution was not enough and she has to work more...I heard that her superiviser was holding a gruge over my her husband which is my supervisor..since my supervisor has been touch wood very successful this past few month due to different industerial offers and interviews and he never mentioned the department of forestry and only chemical engineering and they dean of forestery was mad about it....anyways the whole deal is upsetting I can't imagine how this can affect their relationship:(

Thursday night Muna and Maria and Christine and I went out for dinner..Christine is leaving for Italy soon and it was like a good bye thing for her:) touch wood she looked great and it seems her life is great as well...I hope she finds a good cute guy in the tour or Italy;)she deserves it...they say if you say your dreams loud and clear enough and invision it..it will come true....so I will tell you what my dream is:
I want to get engineering and leadership experience so I can make my own company...I want it to be in biomedical and pharmaceutical and food industries...I want this goal of mine to come ture.....so this is my long term dream..my short term dream is just to find an industerial job in my field that I can reach my long term goal:)
and in terms of my relationships...love is still a big question mark for me...I have no idea whats going to happen...I am still between destiny and fate and logic...so my vision of a perfect guy seems not to be clear....so I guess no comment on that;)

well U of T's career fair was like last year..and as usual a big waste of time...only two companies got hard copy resumes and the rest forwarded us to online applications...Its always great to see 0T1 and 0T2's that come back with now the companies they are working with..Mirna at Pepsi....and Cathrine with Imperial Oil....and Arzhang with some elec company...anyways I just hope I get something..its sort of getting to me...come onnnnnnnnn

Today is U of T's career fair..pray for me:( so I can get something out of it..

From Kylie Minogue
Come, come, come into my world
Won't you lift me up, up, high upon your love

Take these arms that were made for lovin'
And this heart that will beat for two
Take these eyes that were meant for watching over you
And I've been such a long yime waiting
For someone I call call my own
I've been chasing the life I'm dreaming
Now I'm home

I need your love
Like night needs morning

Come, come, come into my world
Won't you lift me up, up, high upon your love

Take these lips that were made for kissing
And this heart that will see you through
And these hands that were made to touch and
feel you

So free your love
Hear me I'm calling

Oh won't you
Come, come, come into my world
Won't you lift me up, up, high upon your love

I need your love
Like night needs morning

Oh won't you
Come, come, come into my world
Won't you lift me up, up, high upon your love

This week was full of so many events...my experiments are going some where;) and several thoughts and doubts will be clear after one meeting...
Anyways yeterday I was at a saloon and there was a bride getting ready for her wedding..its amazing how the brides I see today are so different than what I have expected...I mean interms of showing their love and emotion...the groom calls and the bride not only don't say to him I love you but she tells us that if she says that he will become very full of himself!!!I am not sure if I want to deal with my future husband and partner like this.. I also got some thing from someone who is now dear to my heat:
"you r the candle,loves the flame. A fire that burns through wind and rain . shine your light on this heart of mine till the end of time u came to me like the dawn through the night just shinin like the sun out of my dreams and into my life.u r the one,u r the one."
the is the sweetest thing I have ever heard..thank you and I think u r the one for me as well:)
take my fire and keep it in your heart treasure it because I will do the same with your love.

last night was fun and sad..one my classmates..Darral is leaving Canada for Malaysia forever..me and bunch of my class mates went out with her...Lina as usual is sooooooo funny..I knew it was Lina coming up the stairs since she always Marches;)Muna..Bahar..Simi..Patricia...Christine..Niloo and Lezchac came as well..it was fun...but at the same time sad..sad because I might not get to see her again and fun that I see her and other classmates...she gave a scarf to remember her by..which I will for sure treasure it...I will never forget you Darral Yonge...you were my partner in communication course and next to me in graduation....I wish you the best of luck and happiness......

This weekend was one of the greatest:) My philosophy prof. Dr. Jahanbeglo came from England..he is great and had a lecture of the iranian identity..he is such an interesting person to talk to..his logic and his views are fascinating..after that we went to one of my friends house I think we were about 33 people since the number of chickens they ordered was 35 and 2 were left at the end which some one ate both two;)they were exteremly hot!!!but delicious....ever have this happened to you...that some one stares at you and make you uncomfotable? I don't know really how to deal with these people..anyhow it was great....but the greatest of all was me knowing who should I give my heart to...it is a big dilemma but I think I know who it is but still there is a major problem...

I think I am finally getting my break:)...Election campaign called me for the government election to help them out;) and ofcourse I said yes:)I love this kinda stuff...then I got a call from this guy and I met him today and he offered me a research leadership position..and hopefully Apotex and that Lab that Ana is working at will come through as well...don't get me wrong..I like my job at U of T but the money is not that good..I mean if I wan't in debt for my student loans I won't mind working at school:)anyways I am going to make a new resume for one of mom's friends..I hope she gets the job she wants:)

saturday was great...I think I now know who are my real friends, the ones who I can trust with..who cares about me so much....thank you all...I love you for loving me and for taking care of me....Leyla and Maryam you are the best...I would be lost without you..last thursday I also went out with 4 of my classmates friends we counted and realized that only 7 out 100 students have job:(it soooooooooo bad..I don't know what to do anymore...some people have the opportunity and they don't want it and some people like me dream about that oppurtunity and can't get it...I hope it works out....Lotto 6/49 show me the millions;)

since yesterday me and my mom were preparing for the dinner party I am holding for some of my close friends:)I hope they all enjoy...I have prepared so many things;)yummy....okay Ordov is "kashke bademjoon"and "most va esfenaj" and Taco, for the main course we have "dolmeh", "baghale polo ba morgh", "khorake jegar", "mosaka" and ofcourse the deseart we have, butter scotch cream, Jello(3 colors) and cake :) and lots of other goodies;) hope they enjoy it as well as me:)
but now I am really tired hope they come early...

this is the first year that I am not going back to school for studying after 17 years of studying and it feels sooo wiered..I still work at university but seeing all the students make me depressed...I feel like I am wasting my time which I know logically thats not true but I can't help myself..I nearly cried today...but have to be optimistic and hope for the best...please god ...help me...direct me and show me the path to salvation:)

on saturday I went to Agora for the longest time...it was interesting and fun to see everyone again..after that we went to a chinese restuarant called "spring rolls"..I have never been a fan of chinese food but its the company that I went with not the food...anyhow it was great..after that we went to Pouria's house and we were there till 1:45 it was interesting..lots of load noises..:)and I am not sure if I saw a bit of jealusy...yesterday a bunch friends and I went to ISLAND LAKE and canooing..it was great:) I got to know someother people as well...I am so confused again...how do you think you can figure out if someone likes you or not?its soooooo hard

The clouds of doubt is going to be clear soon....I hope for good

yesterday I had to go to the hospital with Arman..he has broken his hand for the third time!!and the cast needed to be changed and looked after by a specialist...anyways there were two things I noticed...first I realize whenever I go to a hospital I get a headache...I forgot about it..I used to volunteer in a hospital here and I used to have a headache when I would come home and I realize I don't want to work in a hospital...second you always hear that people go to hospitals alot of them find their soulmates there;)Its wiered but I personally know 2 people who got proposals like that!!and because I am the king of chance and I am the luckest girl alive, guess what happened?;)okay I was hoping to see a cute and young doctor...Arman's Dr. was an old man who was very strick!!!I did not see any cute or young people in the hospital...so here is my fat chance;)but thinking back...I guess I need to know something about someone..I think I am still not sure...but I don't know how to ask...and what to say without being judged later...but do you believe that you can not love someone that you used to love?...

last tuesday for the first time I went to the funeral of a person I knew..I have never seen the body before the put him in a grave and shovel ground on him...when the clergy was talking about him...I could not help crying...although I didn't know him much but as always to me he is leaving and he is not coming back....

last tuesday for the first time I went to the funeral of a person I knew..I have never seen the body before the put him in a grave and shovel ground on him...when the clergy was talking about him...I could not help crying...although I didn't know him much but as always to me he is leaving and he is not coming back....

These days I am just busy writing my summer report..and amazingly when you think you don't have engouh to say, when you sit down and outline it, there are tons!!!yesterday in the lab my prof was saying that there is a PhD position in one of their collaborative universities in Norway;) and he was saying that I should go...and giving some reasons why to go;)like..."you are young and you can do and go anywhere and plus their stuff have biomedical application!!!"with the sound of biomedical my eyes got soooooo big!!I never new in a million years that what Arpana was working on could be used as a artificial cardiovascular valve!!!!!It was funny because Dr. Roy was in the lab too and he said: "look at her..her eyes shined when you said biomedical" ..anyways I don't know what my prof thinks..I mean I guess he thinks I should do PhD bypassing masters..or I don't know....

Have you heard the new Christina Aguilera song? "THEY CAN'T HOLD US DOWN" it's amazing..even her Fighter and Beautiful are great...I am predicting that she is the next Maddona...I like her because she is very expressive and is unique in that sence..here is some of the lyrics of her new song...

"So what am I not supposed to have an opinion
Should I be quiet just because I'm a woman
Call me a bitch cos I speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled

When a female fires back
Suddenly the target don't know how to act
So he does what any little boy will do
Making up a few false rumors or two

That for sure is not a man to me
Slanderin' names for popularity
It's sad you only get your fame through controversy
But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say

This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout louder!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands high and wave them proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down

Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Never can, never will

So what am I not supposed to say what I'm saying
Are you offended by the message I'm bringing
Call me whatever cos your words don't mean a thing
Guess you ain't even a man enough to handle what I sing

If you look back in history
It's a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore

I don't understand why it's okay
The guy can get away with it & the girl gets named
All my ladies come together and make a change
Start a new beginning for us everybody sing..................."